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Movie Review: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
by Bill Wine
Heroic Jedi Knights fight to restore peace as the Clone Wars sweep through the galaxy
RATING: PG
GENRE: Animated science-fiction adventure
RELEASE DATE: August 15, 2008
RUNNING TIME: 98 minutes
VIOLENCE FACTOR: Science-fiction combat violence, but animated and not graphic
BAD WORDS: A few brief, mild obscenities, barely noticeable
RACY? No
GRANDS:
CRITIQUE:
For grandchildren already hooked, it's Star Wars: The Clone Wars. For discriminating grandparents, it's Star Wars: The Clone Bores.
On the heels of the half-dozen movies, comic books, videogames, and TV cartoons, the fantasy galaxy that is Star Wars now experiences yet another growth spurt.
Producer and executive producer George Lucas, the creator of the Star Wars universe, launches his upcoming animated television series with a theatrically-released animated adventure. (What, you were expecting him to stay on the sidelines?) Star Wars: The Clone Wars is meant to bridge the narrative gap between the second and third live-action episodes in the prequel trilogy. That is, the Clone War that began in the movie, Episode Two: Attack of the Clones, and ended in Episode Three: Revenge of the Sith. It's everything you ever wanted to learn about the Clone Army but were not interested enough to sit through.
And this burst of anime-like, computer-generated animation, more stiffly stylized than photorealistic, is singularly uninspired, as if the fan-base wasn't worth challenging, rewarding, or honoring.
It's the heroic Jedi Knights doing intergalactic battle with the droid army of evil Separatists. It's Anakin Skywalker (voiced by Matt Lanter), still being mentored by Obi-Wan Kenobi (James Arnold Taylor), before he becomes the iconically villainous Darth Vader. It's Master Yoda (Tom Kane) sending Padawan learner Ahsoka (Ashley Eckstein) to help Anakin rescue crime-lord Jabba (Kevin Michael Richardson) the Hutt's baby. Why the rescue effort? Renegades had kidnapped the baby. If your eyes are glazing over, you're not alone. Mine are, too. But perhaps not those of the grandchild at your side.
The movie — and I use the term loosely — seems merely a transparent lumping together of three TV episodes. We find ourselves, from the very first frame, witness to a battle in which we have no knowledge of any of the many participants. And that never really changes: There's just no point of emotional entry in this animated action flick, one which often becomes a parody of itself.
Every member of the voice-over cast, most of them new and unfamiliar, struggles with the laughably wooden, self-conscious, humorless dialogue: Anakin is just one mannequin among many.
For those of us who enjoyed and appreciated the six-pack of Star Wars movies, this is a smudge on their memory: The joy and the majesty are long gone.
Bottom-line question: Why see a theatrical movie that's merely a lengthy promo for an upcoming TV series?
Why, indeed.
GP Rating System:
Four Grands = Bravo, don't miss it
Three Grands = Pretty good, short list it
Two Grands = Just okay, don1t dismiss it
One Grand = Yeah, we dissed it
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