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Are Your Children's Rules Silly?
by Suzanne Hall
Grandparents often think the rules their children set for kids are ridiculous
My assignment was to report on the silliest rules parents make for their children, and decide whether grandparents should follow those rules when they are with the kids. After much research and thought, I concluded that parents may make silly rules, but it isn’t really up to me, or any other grandparent, to label them — well, most of them — as such. It's not a grandparent’s place to make fun of the rules or flagrantly ignore them. After all, if a rule is truly silly, what harm can it do? Still, there are different ways of working within the rules — especially when no one is around.
Rules to Play Along With
Suppose your daughter-in-law tells you her daughter is not allowed to wear green. Period. No green. Silly? Sure. Worth a family squabble? Hardly. Maybe she just hates the color. What difference does it make? Don’t buy the child green clothes.
Or perhaps your son absolutely refuses to allow his son to have a doll. It may not make a lot of sense, but it's your son's prerogative. Just as you wouldn't buy your grandson a toy gun if you prefer he not have one, you shouldn't go against your son's wishes by forcing something on your grandson that his parent prefers he not have.
I experienced something like this years ago, when my parents wanted to buy my six-year-old a television set, which was practically unheard of at the time. I did not want my daughter to have her own set, so I said, "Please, don't!" They eventually agreed to make the TV a "family gift" that we could use however we wanted. My daughter got to bring it in her room on very special occasions, I kept it in the kitchen the rest of the time, and everyone was happy.
Rules Made to be Broken
Still, some rules, silly or not, put an undue burden on a grandparent-babysitter. This is why I can't say that a parent's rules can never be broken. I'm not sure who first said, “Rules are made to be broken," but it could have been a grandmother who, despite her daughter's rules, was just too tired to give her toddler granddaughter a bath one night. I’ve been there and I know what it’s like. “We'll just skip it tonight,” you whisper to the child. “Okay,” she whispers back, delighted.
The Worst Rule
There is one rule sillier than all the rest — the "no rules for our kids" rule. It allows children to do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it. Some friends of mine face the effects of this rule when one of their grandchildren visits. At home, this boy is permitted to jump on furniture and in restaurants, he is allowed to run around and otherwise make a nuisance of himself, all in view of his mom and dad. But no one dares say anything to him for fear of angering his parents.
What’s a grandparent to do in this situation? According to my friends, be glad you live far away. Many of us scowl when we see our children let our grandchildren whine their way out of bedtime, or give them candy when they haven't eaten their dinners, but most of us don’t have to deal with the "no rules" rule. That’s good because this rule is not just the silliest, it's the saddest. It can make us — almost — dislike our grandchildren. And wouldn't that be a shame?
For a parenting author's ideas on how grandparents can help to keep kids from running wild, click here. Elsewhere on Grandparents.com, learn how to help new parents survive the first year, read our feature about modeling good manners for your grandchildren, and find out the 25 reasons kids love grandparents.
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60 Answers
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Yes, the parents have to make the decisions
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No, I can't go along with ridiculous rules
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| Grandma and Grandpas house should be a fun place to visit and believe it or not children quickly learn what is okay at the grandparents is not always okay at home. I have three grown children and seven grandchildren (who range in age from seven to twentyone), all of them were raised with the Grandparents house is neutral territory and Grandparents rules rule. They have all grown up to be polite, loving and law abiding people. This doesn't mean you let them get away with everything but if you miss a bath or their clothes get dirty, no one will die.
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| I answered no, but I do have to say that I do most of the time. If it is a silly rule than I let them know that for this one time we're not going to follow it as a special occasion. I also tell my son what I did and accept the responsibility for my actions. But if we're at their home I do follow the rules.
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