Chinese Culture - The Chinese Grandparenting Experience

Born in Canton, China, Anita Wing moved to the United States in 1961, when she was 7 years old. Like many Chinese children, Wing had been living in a close, multigenerational household — with her parents, siblings and paternal grandparents all under the same roof.

When her family emigrated to the U.S., her grandparents remained in China, which meant Wing no longer had them to keep her company, teach her about gardening and take her on family outings. Today, as a longtime resident of Brookline, Mass., she says she misses that early part of her life, because she’d been very close to her grandparents.

As for her own grandchildren — Kevin, 4 1/2, and Kristen, 2 1/2 — she says she and her husband, Alvin, spend as much time as possible with them, even though she doesn’t live with them.

We recently talked to Wing about the concept of Chinese grandparenting.

Grandparents.com: Are Chinese grandparents more hands-on than American grandparents?

Anita Wing: Chinese grandparents typically live in the same household as their children and grandchildren, and that is something that continues when Chinese people move to the U.S. My brother, sister-in-law and mother all live together in one apartment here. I’m an ESL (English as a second language) teacher, and a lot of my students live in a home with parents and grandparents. Today, with both parents working, someone is needed to care for the children. Grandparents take on that role.

GP: Are there any grandparenting customs that are different in China?

AW: In China, when the grandparents get older, their children care for them. That’s the way it is. That is a very nice tradition and one I value very much. Also, you don’t see much in the way of babysitting in China when there is a family function. If a family gets together or there is a function to attend, the grandparents, parents and kids all go. That’s the case at Chinese functions here in the U.S., too. You’ll always see a lot of children. We don’t want to leave the kids home.

GP: As a grandparent, do you feel it is your responsibility to teach Kevin and Kristen about Chinese culture?

AW: I am teaching my grandchildren Chinese already, and I would like to send them to Chinese school. The holidays are an important time for me. I think it’s very important that my grandchildren grow up knowing the traditions. Of course we celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas, but we also celebrate Chinese New Year, the Lantern festival and some other Chinese holidays. My mother is 94, and on the holidays we take my grandchildren — her great-grandchildren — over to visit her, and she still makes the food. She is a wonderful cook.

GP: How do children in China treat their grandparents?

AW: With great respect. When the family sits down to dinner, the children wait until everyone is sitting and they let the grandparents start. Once the grandparents begin to eat their meal, then everyone else eats. And kids listen to the grandparents, to whatever they say.

GP: How about once grandchildren become teenagers?

AW: Teenagers in the United States are much more independent than in China. Where I came from in China, we didn’t go far. We lived in a village and went everywhere with our parents. In China, the more modern Chinese families have adopted American culture. Their children are more independent. But they continue to see their grandparents often and to treat them with respect.