Garry and Lori on the court

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When writer, director, actor, grandpa Garry Marshall disagrees with his daughter Lori, a journalist, playwright, mom, the truth becomes a laughing matter

POP GARRY: I sent your daughter Charlotte an e-mail last week and she hasn't written back.

MOM LORI: It'll be a few days. I had to take away her laptop.

POP GARRY: Why? Was she sneaking episodes of Gossip Girl again instead of doing her homework?

MOM LORI: No. She was fresh with me. She ignored me when I told her to get off iChat and go to bed.

POP GARRY: What the heck is iChat? Is that the game where they buy little clothing for penguins?

MOM LORI: No, Dad. It's the one where they talk live to their friends on the computer. She was fresh with me so I took away her computer for a week.

POP GARRY: Bargaining kind of works.

MOM LORI: I’m sure you’d advocate spanking.

POP GARRY: No, not at her age. She’s 12. But I still say it works up until 6 years old.

MOM LORI: I hear so many opinions.

POP GARRY: Well, raising children for me was harder than getting Julia Roberts to relax in a bathtub in Pretty Woman, Al Pacino to stop doing so many takes in Frankie and Johnny, and Lindsay Lohan to show up on time in Georgia Rule.

MOM LORI: Well, I don’t believe in spanking.

POP GARRY: That’s the problem with parents today. They should spank more. The other day your brother Scott’s 2-year-old dropped his ice pop on the ground and become inconsolable.

MOM LORI: What did Scott do?

POP GARRY: He talked to Ethan like he was negotiating a major-league baseball contract. “Can I give you another ice pop? Perhaps another color ice pop? Or perhaps one ice pop and another one thrown in as well with an extension for two more ice pops later.” Entirely too diplomatic.

MOM LORI: What did Ethan do?

POP GARRY: Stayed hysterical. If they had an American Idol contest for best crying by a 2-year-old, Simon Cowell would hire him immediately.

MOM LORI: Sometimes 2-year-olds just lose it.

POP GARRY: I think he should have just spanked him. Not beat him or abuse him, just slap him on the butt a couple of times. Spanking can be effective.

MOM LORI: But Dad, spanking is just not politically correct today.

POP GARRY: I don’t care if it is PC — it works.

MOM LORI: I don’t remember. Did you spank us much?

POP GARRY: Up until you were 6. Then we bargained and grounded.

Garry and little Lori

MOM LORI: Did you spank hard?

POP GARRY: Not too hard. Then I held you. Here’s how it goes. I’d say, “You’ve been bad, I’m spanking you. Now it's over. I love you.” Now stop crying and let’s move on. And I would hold you until you settled down.

MOM LORI: Did you ever lose it?

POP GARRY: Only with water.

MOM LORI: Water? What did you do with water?

POP GARRY: One time when you were about 3 years old, you were screaming in the middle of the night. Nothing we said or did would calm you down. So I took you in the shower and turned it on.

MOM LORI: What did I do?

POP GARRY: You stopped.

MOM LORI: I did?

POP GARRY: Another time when you were 6, I used water.

MOM LORI: How?

POP GARRY: You woke up and said you wanted a glass of water. I gave you one. You said it’s too full. I emptied some. You said it’s too empty. That’s when I poured it on your head. Then I said, “Don’t tell Mom.”

MOM LORI: Oh, right. I remember. No wonder I don’t like swimming.

POP GARRY: But it worked. Afterwards I held you and said, “It’s over. I love you.” And you calmed down.

MOM LORI: But spanking and water? Is this really the most effective way? Isn’t it better to do things like time out and taking away toys and TV?

POP GARRY: You need to do what works. Kids need to learn that their parents are in charge. Too many kids today are running the roost instead of their parents.

MOM LORI: Did you parents ever spank you?

POP GARRY: Sometimes. My mom was always in the basement teaching tap dancing and my dad was always drinking a martini at the bar. They didn’t have much time for spanking. Just tapping and sipping. My father did hit me when drinking. Which is not good. Never spank in anger or when drinking.

MOM LORI: There’s a little boy at my daughters' school and he’s always misbehaving, so they now make him sit in a disco seat. He’s 12.

POP GARRY: What the heck is that? A seat in which you are subjected to endlessly bad disco music?

MOM LORI: No. He sits on this disc and wiggles and jiggles around to get his nervous energy out.

POP GARRY: Maybe they should wash his mouth out with soap.

MOM LORI: Did people really do that?

POP GARRY: Sure, but today they would do it with free-trade organic soap with no toxins. In my day they used regular old Ivory.

MOM LORI: I still think it’s better to use rewards and punishments. Like making them do extra chores.

POP GARRY: But chores are so different today. My dad used to say, “Hey, Garry, take

The Marshall family

out the trash, mow the lawn, and do the dishes.” Now people say, “Hey, Peter, go throw the banana in the compost bin, charge my iPod, and organize the Netflix queue.” What kind of punishment is that?

MOM LORI: You're probably right. The other day I punished Charlotte by saying she couldn’t text anyone. Probably not the most severe punishment ever handed down. Although each child is different and maybe that worked because she’s an obsessive texter.

POP GARRY: I think the most important thing is to be consistent with your kids.

MOM LORI: But how do you know what works?

POP GARRY: One time I took the three of you to the drug store, and while we were there we saw a lady spank her kid. And afterwards you said, “Dad, she spanked her kid but she didn’t hug and say 'I love you' afterwards.” And that’s when I knew I was getting through to you.

MOM LORI: I guess you have to start early because once they become teenagers then it really gets hard.

POP GARRY: No. You just have to get more creative. When your sister was 16 and was out late, your mother would sit patiently in bed waiting to see when the burglar-alarm light would go on.

MOM LORI: And what would you do?

POP GARRY: Go down into her room, lay on her bed, turn out the light, and fall asleep.

MOM LORI: And then what?

POP GARRY: When she came home late she’d sneak into her room, turn on the lights. She’d find me smiling on her bed and it would scare the patooties out of her. She started coming home earlier and earlier just so I wouldn’t be there to smile and greet her at a late hour. That’s also a key to discipline: Creativity!

MOM LORI: Dad, nice talking to you. Now I have to go to my therapist so she can defuse some of your creativity.

Do you spank your grandchildren?   169 Answers Yes, when they deserve it.    31.4% Not spank really, just tap.    32.0% No way!    36.7%

Do you spank your grandchildren?   Yes, when they deserve it. Not spank really, just tap. No way! Select your answer to see the current poll results.

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