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Time Alone with Baby
I am a first time mom, with a beautiful little girl that my husband and I adore. We had the interesting fortune of creating two sets of first time grandparents - DH's parents, and mine. I am trying hard to understand the almost obsessive interest our parents have suddenly developed now that they are grands. So far my biggest question mark comes from the desire for "alone time" with our daughter. DH and I both work full time, and as such we highly prize the weekends when we can spend some quality time with our child. The idea of leaving her alone with the grandparents is a bit of a wrench, since it takes that time away from us. We currently compromise by visiting with the baby, and I can tell via the comments from both grandparent sets that this is not going to be tolerated much longer (she is 1). What I don't understand is why - what difference does it make if we are there too? Why do grandparents "need" time alone with their grandchild? We work very hard not to hover, chastise, correct, or advise unless asked or if we truly feel it's needed. They get to hold, play with, and interact with her, even if we are there. So can anyone weigh in on why we can't just continue to be present, so we ALL get to spend time with her?
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BabyMomma
11/17/08 @ 02:23 PM
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BabyMomma,
I really just want to offer you some support. If things are like you say, I am not sure either. She is really too young for too much of that, she really needs you and Daddy primarily. I have a daughter in your situation ( they both work) and she lives for her time off so she can just enjoy her child. On her days off, I will go over and spend some time with her and Emma, but I don't feel upset because I don't have Emma "by myself". I will just be as curious as you to see the answers you receive. Emma is one of 5 grandchildren, soon to be 7, and I guess my time spent with them is usually with their parents around too. I will take care of them for their parents when they have dates, appts, etc but that usually means I go to their house and spend the night if needed. Take care and be well.
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nana7
11/17/08 @ 04:28 PM
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I'm a bit puzzled as well. I'm a grandma to nine and have never expected time alone with the grandchildren. Are you sure they are not just offering to take baby to give you and your husband some time alone? Perhaps their hints for alone time is just to let you know how special they think your little one is to them. I do however love having my grandchildren without their parents. I am getting my youngest tomorrow for four days. He is eight months and I'm keeping him so his older three sisters can better enjoy a Disneyland trip with their mommy and daddy. I offered to keep him for that reason and the parents jumped on the offer! The reason I enjoy having the kids without the parents is because I feel I get to know them better. I can also see the things they have learned and practice without a parent reminding them. Like their pleases, and thank you's and following the rules. As your little one gets older spending time with the grandparents alone is an absolute gift to your child and the grandparents. It's not a bad deal for parents either. I wish you the best. You are very lucky to have grandparents who want to be involved. There are some broken hearted parents wishing they had such grandparents for their children. Grandma Shelley
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GrandmaShelley
11/17/08 @ 06:26 PM
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Good Morning Baby Momma: The advise you received from the two above grandmothers is right on. I don't think there are any hidden reasons for t heir wanting alone time. Now is the best time to take them up on their offer. With the holidays coming, you and your husband can spend some time shopping and having lunch out and not having to worry about bottles and diapers and interrupted naps. Since there are two sets of grandparents, unfortunately, you will have to do it twice. So I say go for it, let her sleep over. See how she adjust, it could solve all your problems. 3 of my grandchildren live with me along with their mom. As grandma Shelley pointed out, there are parents out there who wish their children had loving and caring grandparents. Relax and enjoy. Nana Laura
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nanalaura
11/18/08 @ 08:28 AM
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Thanks for the posts, grandmoms! I know there is some spirit of taking the baby so DH and I can spend time, and we have taken them up on it a few rare times. I am glad to know I'm not sounding like evil daughter/DIL for wanting some time with my baby too! Nanalaura, you are right that we are fortunate to have grands that want involvement. We can't do overnights - neither set of grands is 'baby ready' with crib, car seats, etc. But we may take up some Saturday afternoon offers to get holiday shopping done, great idea!
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BabyMomma
11/19/08 @ 10:14 AM
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Is this their first grandchild? I remember how intensely I felt about spending time with our first one. There are such huge feelings of the family continuing on, being able to share things with the little one, and especially being able to pour out all that love! Plus it's great to have their attention withoug having to share it with parents. We love all our grandchildren, but that first time was a very intense, new experience. RKB
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robertabrown
12/04/08 @ 08:49 PM
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hahaha I was just the OPPOSITE... I raised six kids, plus a grandchild to boot. When the grandkids came- I was in the throes of enjoying every moment of my "empty nest" and having my time back to myself. So I didn't exactly be the hovering gramma. My eldest daughter was taken aback.. she figured I'd want to practically be there everyday! LOL
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GrannyDebra
12/07/08 @ 10:48 PM
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I am too a first time grandparent of a grandbaby (1 year old) and I love the alone time with my grandson since he lives with his other grands as well and he is distracted when we visit with him in their presence. So, any time alone gives us an opportunity to bond with him as his grands and share in the experiences of him being a part of our lives. My daughter was not afforded alone time with her parternal grandmother and I know she truly understands how she was unable to bond with her and share any experiences and memories with her grandmother. I do understand your situation; however, you are truly blessed to have them want to be a part of your daughter's life. Your daughter will have great memories of her time alone with her grands as I am sure you have with your own grandparents.
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GemmaDee
12/09/08 @ 09:13 PM
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I know with me, it's because he is a different child, and so good and lovable. But when mommy is around, he wants to argue with her, etc etc.. I love my alone time with my baby
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maddysigns
12/11/08 @ 09:24 AM
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Sounds like you are getting lots of good advice. Obsession with wanting to take your baby and be 'alone' with him/her at an early age is really questionable. Motivation to babysit so you can have some time alone is great, but YOU are the parents - YOU decide if you are comfortable with that or not. Most places, you can take baby along if that is what you want. Trust yourself, dear. YOU know what you are comfortable with, and you can sense if the motivations are helpful or smothering. Trust your intuitions!
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GramNH
12/11/08 @ 05:10 PM
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Hi Babymomma-have enjoyed the responses to your post. All are good advise but I remember being in your same position. A first time mom (or grandparent also) we want and need to bond to this precious new addition. My mom loved it when I would take my daughter by as I had an appointment or anything. One day, I came to pick up the baby; my mom was in the tub taking her bath, and my daughter was sitting by the tub in a basket lined with a blanket playing and laughing with her "MaMa". It is a picture I treasure in my mind. Now, I have 10 grandchildren of my own, my three daughters truly blessed all of our lives. I have to share all of them with our blended family grandparents-now there are so many but the children benefit in many ways. I started out worried just like you about time I didn't have with my first child and now look at what I have. You also will get a wonderful life starting with that one little gem.
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memeSeagull
12/12/08 @ 12:46 PM
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I experienced the same exact thing when I was first time mom. Looking back on that after 3 daughters now and 10 grandchildren of my own, I know why my mom loved to just run away with my baby and love her her own way. I wish I still had my mom to see how many little ones "I" have to enjoy...Bless you, it will all work out, promise.
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memeSeagull
12/12/08 @ 02:20 PM
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The two of you are very lucky to have such caring parents. I can agree with all of the people who have sent in comments on this and they all hit the nail on the head. Your daughter is very young to really understand the benefits of having grandparents but you on the other hand should cherish this and consider it a valuable gift for your daughter. All children don't have the luxury of having caring, loving grandparents. Time will come in your life where you will greatly appreciate the care and attention your parents gave and are willing to give to their granddaughter. The older she gets the harder she will be on you and since they don't come with instruction manuals, grandparents are the best place to get advice and help even if you don't ask for it. Raise your child the way you want but always remember that you can never replace or substitute the knowledge and sincere love given to you by your parents. You have a lesson in life coming whether you know it or not. The answers dto life are there, you just have to know where to look and the best place to start is with your parents. They have been there. Good luck.
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WhittWmE
12/12/08 @ 06:27 PM
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I'm a first time grandma and the feelings I have for that little boy are just indiscribably overwhelming. It's like "do-overs". He looks identical to my son when he was a baby so it's like stepping back 30 years in time. I would never overstep my bounds regarding my grandson. I can't explain it, but for me, I love my time alone with him. I can talk baby talk, I can make faces, I can cuddle freely. My love for that little guy is so profound. Both parents know that they can leave him with me and know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he will be loved, that he will be safe and that he won't be put in a crib to cry until they come home. I can now freely enjoy the feelings you only get when snuggling and loving a little precious bundle of joy. I sure don't want to "take over', I just want to shower this little person with all the love I probably didn't have time for when my son was a baby. Relax. Let your parents bond with your baby. It will do them both good. Some of my fondest childhood memories are of times with my grandparents.
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parkersgrandma
12/13/08 @ 01:21 AM
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I have 6 grandchildren and the youngest is 5 weeks yesterday and she lives 1 door away. My daughter is young and this is her first. We share the little lady to give relief and our time, advice and just plain love time. She seems to know my voice and she spends hours or even overnight so my daughter can get some rest. Her and her hubby come for dinner and we share the holding and the feeding of brooke. I value all the grandchildren and our time with them. Weekly calls and emails from the oldest age 12. If they are in trouble with mom and dad we stick to it, even if it not the way we would handle it. Grandparents are very important in a child growth and in the way they treat the older generation.
I agree with all the grandparents that we can make a mark in thier life and those sometimes are just great memories to hold on to..
My children that live more than 2 hours away are with us while we have "our time". They don't stop the children from call us or tell them not to tell us things. We are very open with our relationships with the children and grandchildren. We do the cooking and being silly but we still know right from wrong and saftey issues are there. Don't let your anger get between you giving time to the grandparents even if it is to run to the grocery store or buying a special gifts for a close friend let them see them. They are small for only a short time and we do enjoy seeing the new things and words they say. Enjoy them and they will be a credit to you in the future relationships they have.
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grammytwo6
12/13/08 @ 01:46 AM
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